Monday, July 29, 2013

Dejavue

Yeah. I just read the post I wrote a few months ago and it's embarrassingly similar to the one I just wrote.

I hear you're not supposed to write about not writing and now I see why. Never again.

Why I Haven't Written

I used to write freely in my blog before I married and for awhile after when I could sort of keep it just about me. I stopped writing a few years ago because I worried about revealing too much about people who didn't ask to be included in my blog--or in my life, for that matter--but I have found over the last few years that stifling my writing and my expression hasn't been good for me. And the people who populate my life will probably get over being a part of my creative process. If not, I've got some money set aside for therapy.

I love this quote:

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” 
― Ana├»s Nin


There are too many moments I can't retrieve and won't be able to taste again because I didn't write about them. I've lost so many moments by not being brave and risking the occasional wince of embarrassment that I might have gone too far, that I might have revealed too much, that I might have been a little too open.

The problem? That's who I am. I regularly go too far. I often reveal too much and I'm sometimes too open. But that's how I live. It's how I think. It's how I work life. Not writing has pushed me inward and left me troubled and a bit empty.

As with so many things in my life, I have to have the same realization over and over before I really get it. I think maybe I really got it this time: Me without writing personal narrative is like me without...um...me?

I used to worry that if I didn't write, I would somehow lose the ability. Let's hope I'm wrong.

Let the floodgates open! Let the embarrassment begin!