We attended the stake Christmas Concert this evening. It was an event. Beautiful music, good friends, the spirit of Christmas spilling out all over. The best part was watching Tim play the organ. Sure I'm already nuts about the guy, but there's nothing more attractive than a man passionately playing a musical instrument. At one point, I looked up at him, caught his eye and we both smiled. Then he turned toward the organ and flashed this shining, bright, radiant grin of pure joy. It was a moment for me. It was like seeing him again for the first time, seeing how wonderful he is, how kind, how intelligent, how talented, how quietly strong. Then I thought how amazing it is that I get to be married to him.
It's almost been a year and I still haven't taken it all in. It's like I have short-term memory loss sometimes and I forget that we're married and not just dating (though I'd really have some repenting to do if we weren't married...) It was that sort of feeling I had last night, watching him and feeling such deep affection and love for him and then realizing with a jolt that I'm married to him.
Believe me, I don't wear rose-colored glasses and he isn't perfect. Maybe it's just a little easier for me to appreciate the good things and overlook the frustrating things because I married later in life. Or, it could be that we've only been married a year and we're still putting our best fronts forward. Could be, but I doubt it. Definitely not in my case! He really is the man he appears to be. That's what I find so very appealing about him--his genuineness and authenticity. What you see is what you get. He doesn't have hidden agendas or act any differently depending on the company he's with. He doesn't speak negatively about people and he doesn't judge. He is innocent in so many ways and yet so knowledgeable and savvy in others. He is perfect for me.
That's the remarkable thing about relying on God. If I'd been left to my own devices, I never would have chosen someone like him. In fact, the relationship that I was in just before I met him was with exactly the kind of man I thought was right for me--and it would have been all wrong. I was incredibly sad when it ended, but had such peace from God that it wasn't right for me, that I was comforted. Then my husband came along and it all fell into place. I had so many spiritual reassurances that this was right for me that I couldn't deny it then and could never deny it now. I discover more and more wonderful things about him the longer I know him. And he continues to treat me with the same kindness and love and deference that he did from the beginning. He's so consistent, even coupled with my own inconsistency.
I feel like I'm gushing and I probably am. I'll try to write again when I'm feeling really frustrated with him, just to balance it out. I'm sure it will happen at some point...